Velocity of a Kebab
by mydoctortennant
Summary: Slash/Xover; Post S2, ignoring S3; It's time for Torchwood to start again, but with the Agency breathing down their necks, will it be easy to go back to the 'normalcy? Jack/Ianto, Poynter/Jones
1. Prologue

**My first Torchwood fiction in a long time. It's for the McFly Slash LJ Comm Crossover challenge. So using the names and faces of them, but don't let that put you off. It's completely Torchwood based. Please read and enjoy, prologue is shorter than the rest of the chaps =]**

**Prologue**

I walked past the very same corner ever day on my way home from work. Never did I remember the big blue box that was there now. There was a bright white light on the top, a small door in the bigger door, a sign, something about police and pulling to open. The sign on top read "Police Public Call Box". I thought it strange, then decided that they occasionally filmed things on the road and discarded it as a piece of a really random set.

I hadn't lived in Cardiff for very long, not in relation to how long I had been on Earth at least, but work brought me here. Something about developing the Portable Scouting Decryption Matrix for a new company I've been hired by. Basically, it is a piece of decryption software that interrupts communication between individuals and sends it to whoever requires it. Basically, it's spyware. For the government. I prefer to call it Leechware, considering it attaches to a computer or phone and leeches the information from it.

It wasn't the best job in the world, it got incredibly boring, but it paid well. It's not like there are too many people in the world who can program something like this. I mean, I'm a certified geni-

Owh!

Some idiot in a pinstriped suit, followed by some guy in a great coat just bashed into me. But on turning around to shout at them I'd noticed they had disappeared. That blue box's door was just finishing shutting.

Were they hiding?

I decided that, considering they couldn't go very far, I would follow them into said box, without knocking. It was a Police Box, from my understanding I had a right to public passage. Upon raising my hand to push the door open, the skinny man in the suit opened it and pulled it shut behind him pushing me back out into the street.

"Hello! Sorry, terribly sorry. Didn't see you there," he pulled on his ear and grinned at me, looking me up and down, "Crickey," he said, pushing the door open slightly and calling inside, "Jack!" a muffled shout came from inside. Hang on, shouting? It's only a box!

"Doctor," he said in an American accent, coat now abandoned.

"Isn't that?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Oh," he half laughed and spoke to the American, Jack, over his shoulder, "We should go," he said in a quiet but high pitched voice.

"Yeah," with that they disappeared inside the box. I tried shouting at them, I hit the palm of my hand on the door of the box, but this whining noise started and it started to disappear.

"Holy…"


	2. Chapter One

**Here's the first proper chapter. Introduction to Torchwood =]**

I would say I never saw them again. If I did I would be lying. For about a week I tried to track down this 'Doctor' and 'Jack', with no luck. Then my boss started to get annoyed with me not doing my proper work and put me under supervision, which is incredibly off putting!

I didn't forget about them, far from it, but I guess life is bigger than two men in a box.

Two weeks later I was down in the bay, walking towards Mermaid Quay across the Plass. That's when I saw him again. Walking in his coat, sunglasses covering his eyes. He was debating with three people who surrounded him. A man of a similar height and stature, neat hair and neat suit. Another male, same height, skinny, mop of brown unruly hair, jeans and t-shirt, and a woman, long raven coloured hair, good jeans and good boots.

"Oi!" I shouted across the Plass. Obviously he ignored me, "Hey! Jack!" That got his attention, for a second before he turned back around and carried on animatedly chatting to those surrounding him. I ran after him then, tapping him on the shoulder, "Excuse me."

"Do I know you?" he asked as he turned towards me.

"You seemed to, yes," I replied. He raised an eyebrow at me and went to turn around and walk away from me, "You were in a blue box," he paused in his footsteps, the others continuing on without him, "With a man, the Doctor?"

-

He promptly sent me on my way. I found myself hanging out in the Plass more often. At lunch, after work. It wasn't for yet another month that I saw him again. He appeared at my side as I sat on a bench, staring at the metallic structure.

"I've been doing research on you, Poynter," he said a he took the seat next to me, "You studied at Eton College. Straight A*s in all your exams. You went on to study Physics, mathematics and theology at A-Level, A's all round, and then you did Engineering at Cambridge Univeristy. Followed up by a masters in Computer Programming somewhere and now you work for the government. Building a Portable Scouting Decryption Matrix, a.k.a. Leechware. You, Mr Poynter, are what I want."

"And what is that exactly?"

"A technological genius, such as yourself, to make _me_ Leechware."

"But the Government has all of my plans. They own them."

"No," he said, "_You _own them. It's your idea. They wouldn't have it, without you."

"I guess," I mumbled, fiddling with my hands. I didn't really think of it that way before.

"Come with me, there's something I'd like you to see," We stood, and he took me over to the metal sculpture in front of us.

"I've seen this every day for the last month," I commented as he pulled me up onto one of the stones and stood there with my arm through his. I looked up at his face sceptically.

"Going down."

"What the hell?" we were descending into the ground. Beneath the Plass. Oh my God what is this?

The lower we went the more I saw. I swear I just saw a Dinosaur. Blinking slowly I looked around, speechless.

"This is Torchwood," the enigmatic American said with no avail.

"Torchwood?" I asked, looking around the underground base with what I imagine was a baffled look on my face.

"Outside the government, bey-"

"Ond the police," the black haired woman, welsh, interrupted, moving across from her station to where we were standing, still on that weird lift.

"Tracking down alien life on Earth," the good suited male, a welsh man continued, holding two cups of coffee in front of him. He held one out to the American, and one to me, "Black, two sugars," I accepted it, he was right.... "arming the human race against the future," he smiled politely at me.

"The twenty-first century is when everything changes," a northern voice this time, walking up from a white tiled area, "And you gotta be ready," a wide grin on his face followed by a short chortle of laughter. It was the scruffier of the two British males, with his chocolatey curls and a white lab coat. I'm guessing he's the medic then.

So they have a tea boy, a doctor, a random lady, an American and me – technical support. Sounds like a right odd team. What did they need me for?

Hang on a minute – ialiens?/i

-

"Everybody, Douglas Poynter. Douglas P-"

"Dougie," I interrupted. I got a sense that this guy wouldn't really mind so much if I spoke up. He looked at me questioningly, "Just Dougie."

"Ookay… Dougie Poynter, this is Gwen Cooper," the welsh woman waved at me, "Personnel and police liaison. Ianto Jones," the welsh man with the coffee nodded at me, "Front of house and coffee extraordinaire. And this lump is Danny Jones," he coughed pointedly, "Sorry, Doctor Daniel Jones. Medic and perv."

"Oi!"

"I tell nothing but the truth."

"Liar."

"Anyway," he elongated, "These miscreants are the people you shall be working with from now until forever," he pulled me towards a desk with several computer screens and a squeaky clean desk, "This is you. Have fun," with that he disappeared into what I assumed was his office, Ianto (was it?) following him.

"Welcome to the team, Dougie," Gwen said, smiling at me before going back to her work station.

"So," Danny started, "What d'ya see?" he asked taking a seat at the desk next to mine and leisurely leaning back in his chair, linking his fingers and putting his hands behind his head.

"What d'you mean?" I asked, putting the coffee Ianto gave me onto my new desk.

"I mean, Jack don't pick people up unless they see something. Last guy who worked here, he nearly got eaten by a weevil."

I shrugged, "I created a spyware, Jack wants it," he nodded, and smiled, and stood up and jogged down into his area.

"Danny?" I called out, causing him to stick his head up out of his white hole.

"Yeah, Dougs?" I've only been here five minutes and he's giving me nicknames?

"What do I do?"

hr

We were sat around the boardroom table, Chinese punnets scattered around it, all empty. We're meant to be fighting aliens and we're eating Chinese? Right okay.

"So I walk into the Hub, expecting it to be empty, and I hear this noise. So I go up into the Hot House and what do I see?" she looks pointedly at Jack and Ianto, "At it like a couple of rabbits!" she's in hysterics, Danny's laughing too. Ianto is beetroot red, yet till laughing, and Jack is shameless and sniggering along too. I felt awkward, I didn't want to laugh, but if I didn't then what sort of impression did that make. So I smiled and snorted.

"I'm never going to look at the Hot House in the same way again," Danny admits, throwing down his napkin onto the table. Ianto then got up and started to clear everything away. I got the feeling that was what he did. And then ran about the streets packing an automatic. They all did that on the side.

I've never held a gun in my life. I wasn't looking forward to it. I'd never had very good hand eye co-ordination. That's why I skateboarded as a teenager. Cricket tended to see me hitting myself in the face. And football, well the less said about that the better.

"Okay," Jack sighed, "You guys can go home, we'll start bright and early tomorrow morning," he stood, pushing his chair into the table, "You," he looked at me, "With me."

"Junior's getting the big guns," the Northerner commented as I stood up taking one final gulp from my coffee cup, "Careful Dougs; don't let him rub up against you too much," he said, adding in a wink for effect. Gwen tapped him around the back of the head as she stood up to leave. Danny now being the only remaining member of the team still at the table. He grinned at me as he left, passing by me, patting me friendlily on the shoulder, "See you in the morning."

-

"Okay," I called over the comms, "Danny, Gwen, you guys head left about twenty foot. Jack, Ianto, ten to your right. Then you're all on the rift spike point. There's a life-sign there so be careful."

I got a handful of agreements, and then didn't hear anything for a while. I sat back in my chair, and kept an eye on the screens. So far no visual of the situation. I could see the outer brick walls of wherever they were, but never anything remotely shaped as a life form.

Then, like some sort of karma, I saw something, "Danny, Gwen, stop!"

"What is it Dougs?" a crackled reply came into my ear.

"Whatever this thing is, it's on the move, I just saw it take off left."

"Right," after much rustling over the comms, I got a clear visual of whomever it was. It was, most definitely human. Wearing some sort of historical attire, a saw a top hat, a jacket with tails, "We've got 'im Dougs," Danny said as him and Gwen took off after whomever this was. The camera was bouncing about every which way, and I could hear Danny's heavier breathing over his comms unit which he had forgotten to turn off.

I heard a scuffle. Some shouting from the bloke and Gwen given out some commands for him not to move. His hat had fallen off, and I could see bleach blonde hair, brown roots. Whoever this was, he wasn't dressed for his time period. Unless we recess back in fashion such a way in the future.

"Get the hell off of me!"

"Don't think so mate."

Danny's arm was no in front of the camera. But his on comm. Device allowed me to hear what was going on, "Status report?" I asked.

"Target apprehended," Gwen told me, "Jack and Ianto have just gotten here.

"Get the hell offa me!" The so-called target shouted, I could hear the rustling of Danny's jacket and then saw the world again as his arm moved back from in front of the camera.

"Who are ya, and what are ya doing in our town?"

"Sod off."

"Now now, that's not a way to speak to your captors," Jack interjected, "Is it Thomas?"


	3. Chapter Two

"Has anybody told you lot you're a bunch of freaking nutters?" This 'Thomas' stated as he was locked into one of the dingy cells beneath the hub. I would love to know how far down they go, along with the Archives, but then, I would probably end up lost forever and never see the light of day again.

"Every day," Gwen said, looking at Jack, "Come on then you, oo' is 'e?"

"This is Thomas Fletcher, he was in charge of Torchwood 4."

"The one that got lost?" Danny asked, how can you _lose_ a place like this? That's if it's even like this. Upon talking to Danny and Ianto further I found out that Canary Wharf had been the central base for many years. Glasgow was home to Torchwood 2, and Cardiff was Torchwood 3. But they had never mentioned Torchwood 4 to me, let alone the fact that it had disappeared.

"Yeah," Jack confirmed, "He's a little out of his time. Got chucked through the rift twenty years ago. Lord knows what he did to it, but he can't get him back," I eyed this stranger, if he had come through the rift a good two decades ago, then why the hell was he still dressing like he was out of the 1800s?

"Tom, how'd you get here?"

"That bloody rift of yours, Harkness! One minute I'm sat watching the 2012 Olympics, next I've been thrown into this hole."

"Oi," Jack started, "Cardiff's not a 'hole'," Tom scoffed, "What is it with you and that Rift? Most people go about there lives without knowing about it, you go through it twice!"

"I'll think myself lucky shall I?" Jack rolled his eyes and turned to Danny, "Check him out."

"He's not my type, Jack," I snorted a laugh then, along with everybody else.

"Make sure he's not got any funky readings," Jack continued, "If he's safe, let him out. He's no threat to us."

-

We were all sat around the boardroom table, Danny stood at the end in front of the television screen ready to present his findings to the rest of us. That's what I liked about this place, a five person team where we all know each others names and faces and we all knew who was doing what at any given moment. Not that I ever really knew what I was doing unless somebody told me first. All else failed I just poked about with my Leechware some more. If Jack wanted it, then that is what I would give him.

"Okay, so I think I may have found the reason that Tom appears to gravitate towards the Rift," he clicked a button on the remote type device in his hands. I had yet to play with these things, but I'm sure if Danny can work it, then I can, "If you see here," he pointed at what looked like a normal human brain to me, "You can see that there is a build of Riftic Residual Energy."

"See what?" I asked, everybody looked at me, they didn't understand either, but they were just nodding along with it. Maybe one day I would learn to do the same. Danny sighed and clenched his teeth together.

"Right," he flicked through several images and put up one that, to me, looked exactly the same as the other brain, "This is my brain, normal as can be," Jack laughed into his hands, earning him a dirty look from Danny. He raised his hands innocently, smirking, letting out another annoyed sigh, Danny turned his attention back to me, "This," he flicked back to the other image, "Is Tom's. See. Extra Riftic residual energy," No, I really didn't see, but I nodded anyway.

"So he's got this energy," Gwen started, explaining it in he own terms so the rest of us would get it, "And because of it, he attracts the rift?"

"In a nut shell."

"But other than that?"

"Other than that, he has high levels of dopamine," Danny stated, switching the screen off and picking up his cup of coffee as he sat back down in his seat.

"Which means?"

"It means he has a higher chance of being schizophrenic," I said. I could remember what my friends had studied in secondary school.

"Wouldn't surprise me if he was," Jack commented.

"And he called us nutters," Ianto said. Standing, collecting the empty coffee cups in order to go and make another round.

-

"Hey!" Danny was sat back watching our captive on the screens. He was shouting off, wanting to be let out. To be fair, he was no threat to us and Jack had said he could have been released into the main hub over an hour ago, but Danny was having fun watching him walk around. Weirdly amused it would seem, "Look Curly, I know you're watching me! Let me the hell out!"

"How does he do that?" Danny asked, kicking back from his desk, where his feet had been situated and twisted around in his swivel chair and went to leave.

"He's been living three years in the future," I commented, looking up from the device in my hands, "Who knows what crap they have by then," Danny shrugged and took off in a slow jog towards the vaults.

A few moments later I watched him appear on the screen he had been previously watching, "Ahh, Curly."

"Calling me names won't make me let you out, you know," He chuckled, swiping his flashcard through the door release.

"Whatever you say," he mumbled, "Curly," he shot Danny a smirk, a small dimple appearing on his cheek. I swear its necessity in this place for all male workers to be bi-sexual or gay. Apparently even Gwen was known to wonder.

I was forced several feet out of my chair when some sort of red alert sounded. A loud ringing, a red flashing light could be heard and seen throughout the entire Hub. Immediately I saw Danny run from the Vaults, just as I turned in my chair to look up at the screens.

"Dougie, what have we got?" Jack ordered as he came out of his office. Ianto and Danny both appeared from the lower corridor, followed by a wary looking Tom. Gwen looked down at us from the Hot House.

"Some sort of disturbance," I said, looking at the screens in front of me.

"Rift?" Ianto asked, as he came from Jack's office with the Captain's coat, pushing it up his arms.

"No. It's about a mile above the bay."

"Above?" Gwen asked.

"Above."

"Get us a visual of the bay," after hitting a few buttons, I tapped into the CCTV mainframe, it now showing on one of the many screens in front of me, "What is that?"

"Jack, it's my second day, why would I know?"

"Right, sorry. Anybody?" he looked around my co-workers, many shrugs and shaking of their heads were followed by an interjection of swear words from our captive, "What is it, Tom?"

"It's the Agency, Jack."

-

"You'd think they'd be a little more discrete," Tom commented, "They should have learnt their lesson from Monaco."

"Monaco?"

"That's where T4 ending up, Jack."

"It's alright for some, innit," Danny inputted. A stern look from the blonde shut him up.

"Something's gotta be wrong, if they're here. Visible for all to see."

"Right," Jack paused for a moments thought, "Dougie," I looked at him, all my attention on him, couldn't mess up in a crisis, "I need a communication link with that vessel, a.s.a.p."

"'Kay," I nodded curtly, and sped off to my desk and starting tapping away at the system. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed something move on the CCTV screen. I looked up for a moment, turning my attention back to what I was doing before doing a double take. I didn't want Jack to think I was a complete floosy, so I set up a search on the skies and surrounding area. If I wasn't mistake, that ship, was gone, "Jack!"

"Yeah?"

"It's gone."

"Gone, what do you mean gone?"

"I mean it's _gone_!"

"Did you check? It could have put its shields up," I looked at him pointedly.

"I ran every possible program I could. Nothing. Vamoosh. Kaput!" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"It can't have just vanished."

"Light speed," I said, as if it were obvious, "Never seen Star Trek?"

"Get real Dougie," So all of this was fine and dandy and actually happening, but warp speed disappearing acts weren't?

"Tom mentioned that they could be from the future, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then who knows what they have. Warp speed, Jack. It's a sure thing."

"You're warped."

"Thank you," I smiled, "Hang on, was that an insult?" I called out, but Jack had already turned his back on me and was walking away, "What about the disappearing ship?" I shouted after him.

"Not our problem anymore!"

-

"You little shit!" I was on my way home from work, when some randomer decided that he needed to throw a punch in my direction. I wasn't exactly expecting it and ended up face flat on the floor. I could taste the blood trickling down from my nose. Owh. Ever since I moved to this town, people have done nothing but injure me. I stayed down, which only served to aggravate the guy more. He must have been over six foot tall, shouting at me to get up. He kept stepping towards me, gesturing for me to bring it on.

I'm a short slip of a guy, no way was I going to take on a guy who could squish me. I looked up at him and went to stand up, holding the sleeve of my hoodie to my nose.

"Fight back!" He shouted at me again, raising another fist to hit me again.

I braced myself for a hit that never came.

I felt the rush of air go past me, but not my head. Upon opening my guys I noticed the guy on the floor, pinned by a guy in a leather jacket and a beanie. Next thing I know a big black SUV pulls up next to me. Blue lights. I've not seen it in use yet, but I know what it is when I see it.

"Alright?" Danny asked from his position, straddling my stranger of an attacker on the floor. I wiped my nose with my hand, it is still bleeding.

"Dandy," I reply, gathering my hoodie back on it again. I can barely speak properly due to the blood clogging up my nose.


End file.
